Aftermath of Champions League final

All these are just satirical and just for laughs

1.Robben Declares He's the best player to have played in a UCL final

After heartbreak in 2010 and 2012, Arjen Robben declares "I was made to headline finals and I'm the best to play in a final ever!" he goes on to call out Iker Casillas who is somewhere in Spain celebrating the impending departure of Jose Mourinho with Sergio Ramos, Iniesta and Xavi and also Petr Cech with the aim of redeeming his image against them.

2. Mario Götze and Robert Lewandowski claim their winners' medals in the tunnel from Jupp Heynckes and a smiling Götze is heard muttering , " this is why I signed up for them" and Lewandowski also claiming, I had to miss to gain a place in next season's squad.

3. Pep Guardiola is seen in Barcelona telling Messi, " I don't need you anymore .. I've got Robben" but is forced to eat his words when Robben misses great chances against Chelsea in the Super Cup and Bayern Lose the game .

4. Jurgen Klopp is attacked by Two men in Red and loses his arse only for FC Bayern supremos Uli Hoeness and Karl Heinze Rummenigge to unveil a new exhibit in the FC Bayern Munich Museum on Monday.

5. Dortmund supremo Watzke backtracks on his words and starts poaching stars such as Julian Draxler  and Luuk De Jong both from rivals Schalke and Moenchengladbach respectively and declares during their unveiling that 'Bayern did it , so can we' to the dismay of Schalke and Moenchengladbach fans

MY TAKE ON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL 2012/2013 FC BAYERN MUNICH VS BORUSSIA DORTMUND (A FAIRYTALE ENDING OR A BANISHING OF FINAL DEMONS)

The 21^st Uefa Champions League Final taking place in the historical Wembly Arena hosts the first ever all German final which features two of the most exciting teams in Europe this season , Borussia Dortmund and FC Bayern Munich. This all German final represents a power shift in European football but let me not bore you with this and move straight to the point!

Introducing tonight’s finalists:

FC Bayern Munich

Die Roten coached by the highly experienced Jupp Heynckes have had a remarkable season, steamrolling most opponents in all competitions. They have been highly effective and relentless in dispatching opponents including Borussia Dortmund in the DFB Pokal this season.

The German Bundesliga was secured with a 25 point gap over Dortmund with a number of games to spare going ahead to set a new record of 91 points in a season. They cemented their dominance by setting up a final in the DFB Pokal with VFB Stuttgart.

PATH TO FINAL

They were placed in Group F along with Valencia, LOSC Lille and BATE Borisov. They topped the group level on points with Valencia but ended up as group winners by dint of the goal difference ruling.

They were paired with Arsenal in the Round of 16. They won the first leg 3-1 at the Emirates and lost 2-0 in the return leg at home (their only home loss this season) but went on to the quarter final stage as a result of the away goals rule.

Here the resurgent Juventus were their opponents but they dispatched them with unnerving ease by defeating them 2-0 both home and away (4-0 on aggregate)

The semi final bought on the mighty Barcelona but Bayern thought them a lesson in football by thrashing them 4-0 in Germany and finishing the job  by defeating them 3-0 in the return leg in Spain ,completing a 7-0 aggregate victory, a record for this stage of the competition

PLAYERS TO WATCH

DANTE:  A stalwart for Die Roten at the back this season. Signed from Borussia Moenchengladbach last summer, raising a few eyebrows has lowered all these eyebrows with his assured performances helping FCB set a record for the fewest number of goals conceded in a season in Germany

JAVI MARTINEZ: The talented midfielder signed from Athletic Bilbao  for a record fee justified this fee with  impressive performances alongside Bastian Schweinsteiger at the heart of the Bayern midfield. His pressing ability and passes from deep midfield may be a weapon in helping FCB emerge Champions.

THOMAS MULLER: A stellar season for the German international has seen him score 21 goals and chip in with 13 assists in 36 games this season with 8 goals and 2 assists in the Champions League. His work rate, ability to pick out passes and finishing are essential in ensuring a Bayern victory. A bet on him scoring at anytime is likely to yield dividends for the punters around.

BORUSSIA DORTMUND

A less impressive season for last season’s Bundesliga Champions as they were runners up to Bayern Munich this season. This can be accounted to an inconsistent start to the season and injuries to key players. The highlight of their season has been an amazing Champions League campaign chalking results at the death and classy performances.

PATH TO FINAL

 They began their journey to Wembly in the group of Death . A group filled with Real Madrid, Manchester City and Ajax. They ended up as Group Winners with 14 points, 3 ahead of the mighty Real Madrid.

They went on to the knockout stages and had a tough pairing in the form of Shakhtar Donetsk. A draw in Ukraine and a victory in Germany confirmed their place in the quarter finals .

The quarter final came with Malaga. A stalemate in Spain tipped the scales slightly in Malaga’s favor. The odds went against them as Malaga scored twice in Germany but a goal at the death by Joel Santana sent them into the semi finals.

A rematch with Real Madrid was set up but a peerless performance by Robert Lewandowski in which he scored 4 goals all but booked their place in the semi final. This dream was almost shattered as a late rally by Real Madrid saw them concede two goals but held on to ensure their place in the final was confirmed.

PLAYERS TO WATCH

MATS HUMMELS: The former Bayern Munich youth star who defected to Dortmund a few years ago has been marvelous all season. He’s a ball playing central defender with an eye for goal. His strengths include his aerial prowess and his ability to pick a out a team mate from deep.

MARCO REUS: The left footed signing from Borrusia Moenchengladbach has had an impressive debut season scoring 18 goals and 11 assists in 39 appearances. His direct running and speed are essential to Dortmund’s style of play. Also his ability to shoot from distance and dribbling ability act as a danger to Bayern.

ROBERT LEWANDOWSKI: Described by some as the best striker in Europe this season, the Polish international has been nothing but phenomenal this season. Topping the goal scoring charts in Germany with 24 goals in 29 appearances and 10 in 11 appearances in Europe taking him to 34 in 40 appearances in all competitions. His season highlights include the quadruple he scored against the mighty Real Madrid in the semi final at The Signal Iduna Park. His eye for goal might be a determining factor in the destination of the Trophy tonight.

MATCH FACTS (whoscored.com)

·         Bayern Munich have kept a clean sheet in their last four matches in Europe

·         Bayern have scored in each of their last 7 matches in Europe

·         Dortmund have not lost to Bayern in 9 of their last 10 meetings in all competitions

MY PREDICTION

A tight game with minor details settling but Bayern’s strength in depth might just do the trick and nick it for them.

Bayern 2-1 Dortmund